All my losing weight, throwing up, and general unhealthiness has not been an eating disorder. It was (and still is) just plain depression.
I think it was previously suggested to me that it might be, but I was in denial. I mean, depression? Depression is for high school kids who cut themselves and dye their hair black. I’m not depressed. I don’t want to be depressed. That’s so useless.
When I’m throwing up, I think, “Why is this happening? This is so dumb.” I guess this all goes back to me not really liking to show my emotions. I don’t want people to fret over me or help me. I don’t want to take up people’s time with childish emotions.